Your momma cooks a lousy steak.

None of this stuff fits anywhere else. So..enjoy.

Travelogues, meetings, etc:

Brisbane: The Musical
A textual and photographic exploration of the few days in which I met up with Positronbob, Felicity, Yahtzee and Rhubarb Celestial.

Brisbane: The Musical Part 2
Continuation of the above article, and the introduction of Erwin Wurm!

Foods, drinks:

Extinct Beverage Reviews
Idea stolen from Chefelf and flogged for all its worth.

Movies, rants, articles:

Nintendo Game Boy adverts from the '90s
More fun than

Cold Creek Manor vs. Simple Logic
It makes my head hurt.

Puppetry of the Penis and bible orders
Temporary front-page featuring a review of two idiots waving their dicks about.

DVD special features
Rant thereabout.

Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
In a nutshell.

Christmas being shit
Another rant.

Supermarket ettiquette
Morons with shopping carts.

Trains in Sydney
Complaining about statistics and generally poor public transport. guides to:

How to attach horizontal lumps of wood to your walls.

How to find someone who wants to do more than bonk.

How to not fuck the English language over entirely.

The English Language
Part 2 of the above.

How not to become unnecessarily intimate with fellow pedestrians.

The Dominos Pizza Conspiracy:

Dominos appears on Google results, shock.

No longer similar
Dominos disappears from Google results, horror.

World Domino-ation
How to take over the planet with cheesy bread.

Dominos resurgance!
Dominos searchstrings return with a vengeance.

Self-fulfilling prophecy
Pizza that bends space and time.

Dominos plot continues
SOS becomes inexplicably involved, gasp.


Evolution and invention
Theorising about the creation of new things and the future of humanity.

Searchstring comics:

Comics archive!
A small archive of comics based on random crap people apparently expect to find on the internet.

Random crap that's supposed to be funny:

Poor Autobot disguises
Sir Nard Manhawk explores some less-successful Autobot alter egos.

Poorly designed creatures
Human beings. Designed by monkeys, perhaps.

Poorly designed creatures (continued)
Bollocks. On the outside.

Nokia Lightsabre
Cellular technology reaches the Star Wars universe.

The :|-Files
A parody of the opening credits of The X-Files.

The Ghost Of Ray
This is the contents of the "potato" trigger from my old Yahoo! Chatbot, RayBrush_ThreepDroid. I had no life back then.

A polite rebuke to the Dominos conspiracy.

Random Jelly Bean Generator
Generator of beans of jelly!

Nightdress Gunderson
Briefly installed splash screen featuring Mr. Gunderson himself.

The Redneck Page
A tired pun that finally shut Wrapps up.

A parody of Yahoo! Chat's front page that's confused a lot of websurfers.

Colonpipes from Instant Messenger programs
A wee archive of apathetic emoticons from around the place.

Useless novelties:

Magnetic Poetry
I forgot this was here.

Authorage (prose, poetry, other shite):

The War Of 1604
Transcribed. Go away, now.

The Gargantuan Gimmick Of Glerty McGlee
Uh, yes.

All content is © Russ Gawthorpe, 2003 and all subsequent years, unless otherwise credited. The walrus has better things to do.

This page was generated in your eye socket.

So. You're reading the bit at the bottom again. how about I suggest some things you could be doing instead? Then, when you get to the end of the paragraph, you can feel vaguely fulfilled and perhaps even go out and do one or all of them? Or you can just think "Hey, he's just knocking off ideas from Monkey Island!", but it's all good in the end. Anyhow, why not wash the car, or buy some groceries? Donate someone's body to science! Invent a new way to varnish wood! Learn a new language! Learn two new languages! Find some bugs! Then race 'em! Kill the losers.

Some random words to make the search engines freak out:
Sphagnum Grease! Nipples on tap! Parsley wedges! Sputnik Cheesecake! Leprosy on Toast! Cardboard Bollocks! Chutney On A Stick! Toilet Paper Sorbet! Exploding Frog! Brrt-Nyitnyit! Champion Glee! Spherical Dormouse!