DON'T GIVE US A LINK THEN BOB, YOU FUCKKNUCKLE.


In his unending quest to plagiarise every single thing that stands as good and decent about the internet, Datazoid proudly ventures toward Chefelf's very own Extinct Beverage Museum. Besides, Datazoid is on a different continent. Datazoid has access to beverages Chefelf does not. Datazoid also speaks often in the third person, it seems. Anyhow. Fanfare ahoy!

Extinct Beverage Reviews

Beverage Title!

Fanta Spider: Choc Orange


Tagline: Choc orange ice cream flavour!
Manufacturer: Coca Cola Amatil, Australia.
Website: coca-cola.com.au, but you'll be hard pressed to find anything about the beverage thereon.
Magical Contents: Nothing, really. Various artificial flavourings and colourings. Yum.
Click here for information on these ingredients.
Medical Warnings: None.
Volume: Bottle; 600ml.
Daily Dosage: N/A.
Nutritional Info: Actually contains more energy than some of the alleged "energy drinks" reviewed so far. An interesting benchmark.

Ingredient Graph for idiots Amount per 100ml
Energy 48cal
Carbohydrates 11.6g
Sugars 11.6g
Chemicals Amount per 100ml
Sodium 13.7mg


Arachnids:
For those unfamiliar, a "spider" is a combination of soft drink (soda) and ice cream, forming a kind of carbonated thickshake. I've always been really opposed to the idea, due to my belief that soda and dairy deserve to be well separated at all times. This stuff is called "choc orange", which I assume means it's meant to represent orange Fanta mixed with chocolate ice-cream, although the colour of the beverage doesn't represent that at all. Orange fanta and chocolate ice cream would produce something that looked, basically, like shit.

Beverage Bottle, glass
Bonus: Really odd looking bottle!

To the eye:
It's kind of apricot in colour and vaguely milky. Somehow, I was expecting it to be thicker, but it's the same consistency as every other soft drink. It's also not especially bubbly.

Beverage closeup
It's almost opaque, but it's not thick.

To the nose:
Jaffas. Precisely like Jaffas. The smell of carbonation is the only thing that makes it smell like anything other than a handful of small red balls that taste like orange.

To the mouth:
I was really hesitant to taste this stuff. Like I said above, I have some reservations about the whole "spider" concept. Anyhow, taste I did. It's...really odd. I wouldn't actually call it pleasant, to be honest. It's got a number of layers to it. I shall explain, in the order in which they hit you:

1. Weird consistancy. It kind of feels like there's a skin of ice over the surface of the drink, even though there isn't. I think this could be to do with the fact that it smells completely different to how it tastes, so as you sip it, your brain switches from smell receptors to taste receptors, or something.

2. Milk. It tastes like milk. Not specifically chocolate milk, though. Just..dairy in general.

3. Cheap chocolate. About a nanosecond after the milk flavour appears, the beverage remembers it's supposed to be chocolate flavoured and begins to produce the taste of really cheap chocolate, like those crappy lil solid chocolate Easter eggs everyone gets squillions of. It's not really pleasant, but it's definitely chocolate.

4. Orange. Hiding beneath all of this is the Fanta itself, which kind of breaks through as soon as the bubbles leave your tongue. And it's also not incredibly pleasant. I don't like this drink.

And a little while after:
Okay, so the aftertaste has been pretty effectively nailed. If you erased my memory for the past five minutes, I could be easily convinced that I just sat down to a meal of Easter eggs and washed them down with a quart of Fanta. Usually with bizarre drinks, the taste is tolerable and the aftertaste is thoroughly unpalatable, but in this case, it's the reverse.

Overall:
It's not totally unpleasant, I guess, but I just don't like it. That said, it is everything that it claims to be.

One word summary*:
Jaffas.

* Like I said, plagiarising everything.






All content is © Russ Gawthorpe, 2003 and all subsequent years, unless otherwise credited. The walrus is not your friend, despite what miek tells you.

This page was generated in Hungarian, then translated into Spanish, then English. SI, EN PABLO NAGYON ENGLISHUL!

So. You're reading the bit at the bottom again. how about I suggest some things you could be doing instead? Then, when you get to the end of the paragraph, you can feel vaguely fulfilled and perhaps even go out and do one or all of them? Or you can just think "Hey, he's just knocking off ideas from Monkey Island!", but it's all good in the end. Anyhow, why not wash the car, or buy some groceries? Donate someone's body to science! Invent a new way to varnish wood! Learn a new language! Learn two new languages! Find some bugs! Then race 'em! Kill the losers.

Some random words to make the search engines freak out:
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